"O forgive as thou wouldst be even forgiven now by Me"

I encountered a lot of negativity today from others around me. It wasn't usually directed right at me, thankfully. But it still wasn't a very enjoyable thing.  I noticed that most of the problem in these several situations and people seems to me to be fueled by the same thing: not forgiving. Since I've been studying forgiveness a lot (because there is someone I need to learn how to truly forgive), I not only notice it more in myself, but in others too. Some people don't forgive themselves, which brings self-hate and hate for those around them, as well as a paranoia of being judged by others.  A lot of people have others that they haven't forgiven. Some don't "forgive" God. This lack of forgiveness, lack of love and charity, is poisoning everyone. It's really sad, and frightening, because Jesus taught that we can't be forgiven by the Father if we don't forgive our fellowmen. That's everyone. It's humbling to realize that I'm in this situation. But it also makes me extremely grateful that I am aware of it in myself, that I desire to change it, and that the Savior Jesus Christ has the power and the love to help me overcome this bitterness, and learn to forgive. "I know that in His strength I can do all things" even if that means learning to frankly, honestly, sincerely, lovingly, and steadfastly forgive someone that I haven't been able to forgive on my own.

I hope and pray that other people will realize the importance and the opportunity of forgiveness. I pray that everyone including myself will have enough love and faith in Christ's atonement to forgive whoever it is that we haven't forgiven. It'll be hard (that's for sure) but I hear it's worth it. =) I know it will be.

I'm so grateful to know that the gospel of Jesus Christ truly does bring happiness and saves us from despair on so many levels. It's the path to true joy! I'm so excited to share this with everyone I can while I'm on my mission! And I can bear my witness of it even before I leave for my mission. Which is what I'm doing right now. =) I'm so grateful for Jesus Christ and I know that it is only in and through Him that we can be saved. What a beautiful thing repentance is. How amazing that He suffered and died to give us the opportunity to come unto Him and be perfected in Him. He's so loving, and I'm going to do all I can to be more like Him. =)

So trusting my all to Thy tender care, and knowing Thou lovest me..."

I just want to share the miracle of this morning. I got a sore throat last night and my voice was pretty bad when I woke up. Only problem is that I was supposed to sing in a quartet in Sacrament meeting in the Singles Ward. My voice didn't get much better all morning, but when I got to the church at 12:30 to run through it before church, my voice suddenly came back to almost what it normally sounds like. We were able to share what we had practiced, and I think it touched a lot of people because of the choice of which hymns we sang. It fit seamlessly with the talks. In fact, the speaker before we sang ended her talk by quoting just the 3rd verse of "I'll Go Where You Want Me To Go" which happened to be exactly how we started our medley! What are the chances? My heart started pounding when she was quoting that verse in her talk. It was an answer to prayer for me about something that I'd been worrying about earlier. So I guess I just wanted to share this because it strengthened me, and I know that Heavenly Father loves me, and all of us, and blesses us differently (and usually far better) than we expect. And I'm so grateful I had that taken deeper into my heart today. I know He loves me and He's preparing me, and it makes me so happy when I remember/realize that. It's realizations like these that give *life* to my life. If that makes sense. =)

"There's surely somewhere a lowly place in earth's harvest fields so wide
Where I may labor through life's short day for Jesus the Crucified.
So trusting my all to Thy tender care, and knowing Thou lovest me,
I'll do Thy will with a heart sincere; I'll be what You want me to be."

Not alone

Last night Alice and I had a grand time talking about missions, since she's going on one too. She's going to have her stake interview next week, so hopefully within about three weeks she'll have her call!  We're thinking about going mission clothes shopping at the end of April or beginning of May. It's so fun to have friends I love doing the same thing. I would still do it even if no one else was, but it's nice to know I'm not alone in it. Well, I'm never alone in it, because I have God, but you know what I mean... It's nice to have other young women deciding that a mission is worth it too. =)  We've been friends since kindergarten, and for good reason. I’m glad we both grew up as generally good kids. I’m glad I had good kindergarten/elementary school friends. Who knows if I’d be the same person today? It's amazing how much we unintentionally and unknowingly influence each other. I'm just glad I was influenced for the better. And now I get to go out and do some major influencing in Florida...=) It's like dominos, in the very best way.

Official

I'm now officially mission age. Sweet. But I still have nine and a half weeks before I go.

 

After my fast on Sunday, I have become much more excited to go. My doubts are really starting to disappear, the Spirit has been with me, and everything about a mission just seems a lot better than it did before.  I know that fasting works. The Lord answers my prayers. =)  Sometimes it takes a while, but I think I really needed all that time before my answer came, and I came to understand faith better by waiting for that answer and moving forward before receiving it. And it kept me humble! And it gave me an opportunity to gain a stronger testimony of fasting. And it kept me always turned to God, because I really wanted to know, and I was trying to make sure that I was always worthy so I could hear the answer, whenever the Spirit was ready to whisper it to me.  See, the Lord really knows what He's doing!

 

So my next plan is to realize something else I don't know, and would like to know, that can keep me humble and searching. And considering how much there is to know concerning all that I need to teach and do on a mission, I don't think I'll run out.

 

God knows what He's doing. And He loves us immensely. What could be more comforting and exciting than that?

Lisa, My Role Model

In the evening I went to the Bradshaw’s house to visit Lisa. I miss seeing her; she is so awesome. We had a great conversation, about my mission, her mission, and Riley’s mission. She showed me all his pictures, and that was a lot of fun. She also gave me a lot of advice and encouragement. She said that the night before I leave I’ll probably be flooded with doubts, but I just need to force my way through, and stick to my resolve, and go. She says it’s something I’ll never regret. =) I believe her. And I’m so glad that I’ll get to be more like her by going on a mission. My mission is on the opposite coast from where she went, but there’s a lot of similarities. Anyway, I think the world of her, and I’m more excited for myself than I was before. She says there’s a lot of things about it that aren’t glamorous, just hard. But the good moments are bursts of sunshine that make the whole thing worth it. I'm going to grow immensely. =)