Ouch

Warning: I'm not completely myself right now...I don't feel so well. So...just know that.

I been thinkin'. I've told myself several times that as a missionary I'm never going to complain. About anything, but especially about the weather. But I'm starting to worry a little bit, because I'm not very practiced at it. I woke up not feeling too great, and it's only gotten worse throughout the day. And instead of being the peaceful, patient, and cheerful-through-adversity missionary that I've planned to be, I was snide to my family, whiny in my thoughts, and just grouchy about everything. And I thought, if I'm grouchy here and now, only 10 days before my mission, what's going to stop me from doing it out there? I guess I just realized, now with my mission so close, that I'm probably not going to miraculously change overnight into the ideal missionary once I enter the MTC. Bummer. Wouldn't that be nice? Anyway, it's sobering to realize I'm probably going to make a lot of mistakes on my mission. But if I am trying my hardest and trusting the Lord, my mistakes will be made up for. And I'm sure going to learn a lot. Everyone has told me I'll learn a lot. But I didn't connect it before that learning often requires mistakes. And I don't like mistakes very much at all. So maybe that's one of the big things I'll learn (and have recently barely started to learn in the last little while): how to learn from mistakes and not let them drag me down to despair. Sounds dramatic, but that's what usually happens. Learning to handle mistakes would and will be a huge blessing to my life.

12 days!

In less than an hour, I will only have 12 days left before my mission. "Wowsers." As a friend of mine would say.
Can I just say that I love mission advice? If you have any please share. Also, if you have any humidity advice...please share that too. I'm a little nervous about that...
In a month I'll be in Florida. I'll get to go on a plane! (Which is exciting; I've never been on a plane before!)
Sorry, nothing profound tonight. I'm going to bed.

Other missionary blog

After I leave, I'm going to have my mom post my weekly emails on a different blog that only invited readers can read. But if you would like to be invited, just let me know! I'll need your email address to do that.
Also, if you don't want to bother with the blog, and you would rather my mom just email the letters straight to you, just let me know and we can do that instead. Thanks!

Hymns

BTW, just quickly wanted to share the third verse of the children's song "Nephi's Courage." We sang it the other day in ward choir, and I realized how applicable it was, and then it was something I needed to work on a little.  I could use a little more courage when I'm discouraged. I need to remember that I've just gotta start working, and the Lord will provide a way when there seemingly isn't one. I can't just sit and wait. Like in Elder Bednar's talk where he mentioned that our actions after we say "amen" are consecrated as a continuation of that prayer. See Elder Bednar's talk on this page.

 

"The Lord gives us commandments, and asks us to obey.

Sometimes I am tempted to choose another way.

When I'm discouraged, and think I should not try,

I will be courageous, and I will reply:

'I will go; I will do the things the Lord commands.

I know the Lord provides a way, He wants me to obey.

I will go; I will do the things the Lord commands.

I know the Lord provides a way.

He wants me to obey.'"

 

One last comment: I love music, and I love God for letting us bring music with us to this world, and also for the way He continues to give us more and more of it. I'm so grateful for inspired music. I'm excited to share our hymns when I teach, like Sister Anderson does.

Led by a prophet

Wow! We truly do have a prophet in this day and age. And he's awesome.  Here's a link to what he said, and what our other leaders shared with us this past weekend. All of them are truly inspired. We are led by God, through His prophet, Thomas S. Monson.

 

You would think that with the amount of time you haven't heard from me, I'd be a lot closer to being prepared for my mission. It...depends how you look at it. I still haven't gone shopping.  But hopefully I've grown in leaps and bounds as a person. I feel like I've been stretched more than I've ever been before. But if there was no stretching, there would be no improvement. And I need improvement. So...no complaining here! (At least, that's the goal.)  =)

 

This Thursday is my last day at work.  After that I'll have 33 days in which to finish preparing. And then...on I'll go! First on to Provo, then Orlando. Strange they both end with "o"s.  Hmm...

"O forgive as thou wouldst be even forgiven now by Me"

I encountered a lot of negativity today from others around me. It wasn't usually directed right at me, thankfully. But it still wasn't a very enjoyable thing.  I noticed that most of the problem in these several situations and people seems to me to be fueled by the same thing: not forgiving. Since I've been studying forgiveness a lot (because there is someone I need to learn how to truly forgive), I not only notice it more in myself, but in others too. Some people don't forgive themselves, which brings self-hate and hate for those around them, as well as a paranoia of being judged by others.  A lot of people have others that they haven't forgiven. Some don't "forgive" God. This lack of forgiveness, lack of love and charity, is poisoning everyone. It's really sad, and frightening, because Jesus taught that we can't be forgiven by the Father if we don't forgive our fellowmen. That's everyone. It's humbling to realize that I'm in this situation. But it also makes me extremely grateful that I am aware of it in myself, that I desire to change it, and that the Savior Jesus Christ has the power and the love to help me overcome this bitterness, and learn to forgive. "I know that in His strength I can do all things" even if that means learning to frankly, honestly, sincerely, lovingly, and steadfastly forgive someone that I haven't been able to forgive on my own.

I hope and pray that other people will realize the importance and the opportunity of forgiveness. I pray that everyone including myself will have enough love and faith in Christ's atonement to forgive whoever it is that we haven't forgiven. It'll be hard (that's for sure) but I hear it's worth it. =) I know it will be.

I'm so grateful to know that the gospel of Jesus Christ truly does bring happiness and saves us from despair on so many levels. It's the path to true joy! I'm so excited to share this with everyone I can while I'm on my mission! And I can bear my witness of it even before I leave for my mission. Which is what I'm doing right now. =) I'm so grateful for Jesus Christ and I know that it is only in and through Him that we can be saved. What a beautiful thing repentance is. How amazing that He suffered and died to give us the opportunity to come unto Him and be perfected in Him. He's so loving, and I'm going to do all I can to be more like Him. =)

So trusting my all to Thy tender care, and knowing Thou lovest me..."

I just want to share the miracle of this morning. I got a sore throat last night and my voice was pretty bad when I woke up. Only problem is that I was supposed to sing in a quartet in Sacrament meeting in the Singles Ward. My voice didn't get much better all morning, but when I got to the church at 12:30 to run through it before church, my voice suddenly came back to almost what it normally sounds like. We were able to share what we had practiced, and I think it touched a lot of people because of the choice of which hymns we sang. It fit seamlessly with the talks. In fact, the speaker before we sang ended her talk by quoting just the 3rd verse of "I'll Go Where You Want Me To Go" which happened to be exactly how we started our medley! What are the chances? My heart started pounding when she was quoting that verse in her talk. It was an answer to prayer for me about something that I'd been worrying about earlier. So I guess I just wanted to share this because it strengthened me, and I know that Heavenly Father loves me, and all of us, and blesses us differently (and usually far better) than we expect. And I'm so grateful I had that taken deeper into my heart today. I know He loves me and He's preparing me, and it makes me so happy when I remember/realize that. It's realizations like these that give *life* to my life. If that makes sense. =)

"There's surely somewhere a lowly place in earth's harvest fields so wide
Where I may labor through life's short day for Jesus the Crucified.
So trusting my all to Thy tender care, and knowing Thou lovest me,
I'll do Thy will with a heart sincere; I'll be what You want me to be."

Not alone

Last night Alice and I had a grand time talking about missions, since she's going on one too. She's going to have her stake interview next week, so hopefully within about three weeks she'll have her call!  We're thinking about going mission clothes shopping at the end of April or beginning of May. It's so fun to have friends I love doing the same thing. I would still do it even if no one else was, but it's nice to know I'm not alone in it. Well, I'm never alone in it, because I have God, but you know what I mean... It's nice to have other young women deciding that a mission is worth it too. =)  We've been friends since kindergarten, and for good reason. I’m glad we both grew up as generally good kids. I’m glad I had good kindergarten/elementary school friends. Who knows if I’d be the same person today? It's amazing how much we unintentionally and unknowingly influence each other. I'm just glad I was influenced for the better. And now I get to go out and do some major influencing in Florida...=) It's like dominos, in the very best way.

Official

I'm now officially mission age. Sweet. But I still have nine and a half weeks before I go.

 

After my fast on Sunday, I have become much more excited to go. My doubts are really starting to disappear, the Spirit has been with me, and everything about a mission just seems a lot better than it did before.  I know that fasting works. The Lord answers my prayers. =)  Sometimes it takes a while, but I think I really needed all that time before my answer came, and I came to understand faith better by waiting for that answer and moving forward before receiving it. And it kept me humble! And it gave me an opportunity to gain a stronger testimony of fasting. And it kept me always turned to God, because I really wanted to know, and I was trying to make sure that I was always worthy so I could hear the answer, whenever the Spirit was ready to whisper it to me.  See, the Lord really knows what He's doing!

 

So my next plan is to realize something else I don't know, and would like to know, that can keep me humble and searching. And considering how much there is to know concerning all that I need to teach and do on a mission, I don't think I'll run out.

 

God knows what He's doing. And He loves us immensely. What could be more comforting and exciting than that?

Lisa, My Role Model

In the evening I went to the Bradshaw’s house to visit Lisa. I miss seeing her; she is so awesome. We had a great conversation, about my mission, her mission, and Riley’s mission. She showed me all his pictures, and that was a lot of fun. She also gave me a lot of advice and encouragement. She said that the night before I leave I’ll probably be flooded with doubts, but I just need to force my way through, and stick to my resolve, and go. She says it’s something I’ll never regret. =) I believe her. And I’m so glad that I’ll get to be more like her by going on a mission. My mission is on the opposite coast from where she went, but there’s a lot of similarities. Anyway, I think the world of her, and I’m more excited for myself than I was before. She says there’s a lot of things about it that aren’t glamorous, just hard. But the good moments are bursts of sunshine that make the whole thing worth it. I'm going to grow immensely. =)

All is well

Why should I mourn or think my lot is hard? 'Tis not so; all is right. Why should I think to earn a great reward if I now shun the fight?

 

Fresh courage take! I know that our God will never us forsake.

 

And soon I'll have this tale to tell. All is well! All is well.

 

(see words to Hymn #30 of the LDS hymnbook)

 

All really is well. Why should I complain? I have been given so much. This sacrifice of a year and a half is a drop, compared to the ocean of what God has given me. And I know that He's going to bless me for doing it, and I'll be in even deeper debt to Him.  But how could I live if I wasn't even trying to pay back and thank Him for what He's given me? I really will be able to bless the lives of many people, and I can't wait to meet them. This doubt is part of my trial to prove my faith. If I just hold on to the things I know are true, I'll be okay. All will be well. =) As President Hinckley always said, "Things are going to work out."  Don't let go, and you're going to be just fine.

 

The pioneers left their families with nothing, because they were asked by a prophet of God to go spread the gospel.  Why should I hesitate? My life is in order, I'm in good health, and even my scholarships will wait for me! I can do this. With God's help I can do anything.

Ready or not...

I worry that I'm not preparing enough...and I don't know what things are the most important to prepare. Most of what I'm doing is reading. Miracle of Forgiveness, The Holy Temple, the scriptures (especially the Book of Mormon), and other such books. I've done a little bit of shopping, a lot of praying, and no exercising. =( I've done a lot of blogging...hmm. I equate it to writing in a journal, which is something we are all supposed to do...but even good things taken to excess, or done at the expense of better things, shouldn't be done. Or should be decreased. I dunno. Or I could just raise the quality of my posts... =) I'll try!

Anyway, I am excited about the things I am learning in the scriptures. I read in Hebrews today about faith, and not casting away my confidence. So I'm going to be confident that the Lord will help me do His work, and that He'll help me be happy throughout as I do my best to serve Him and those around me. I think I'm pretty safe in trusting that He will, if I do my part and hold out faithful. =)

Shopping!

Went to the Sister Missionary Mall the other day, and I've decided I need to try the thrift stores first. Even though all the stuff there is really cute and really convenient...it's kinda pricy. We'll see...

I bought new scriptures! I got a Bible and a combined Book of Mormon, Doctrine & Covenants, and Pearl of Great Price. One of the Payson sister missionaries suggested having them separate because it's a better visual for investigators. The stick of Judah and the stick of Joseph. And to show we really do believe in the Bible. It's weird having new scriptures; I've had the same set since I was baptized at age 8. Anyway, I also got a new scripture bag...yay!

So maybe this really isn't the most interesting post...but it's mission-related and I hadn't written in a while. Perhaps next time I'll talk more about the things I am learning in my scripture study and mission prep classes and other books I'm reading, as well as the advice I've been receiving from returned missionaries and especially the female ones. Hope the next post is soon!

Oh, and by the way, my wisdom teeth extraction went really well, and I think I'm basically healed. =D "My Shepherd will supply my need."

It came!

Hey! I got my mission call! It came during my surgery.

Well, I'm sure you'd like to know where. So I'll tell you.

I'm going to the Florida Orlando mission!! English speaking. I go to the MTC in the middle of May! I'm pretty pumped. And I'm so excited to see palm trees again...

Anyway, if you know me personally, which you probably do, give me a call and congratulate me, I'd love to hear from you. =)

Just waiting...

It still hasn't come yet! Every day my hopes are raised, and then dashed. =) Hopefully it comes today.

I get my widsom teeth out today. I feel like it's going to go okay, but any prayers for me would be much appreciated! Prayer is such a powerful thing. =)

The Prophet

I just watched the announcement about President Monson becoming our new President of the church, and Prophet. I have already felt a witness from God that Thomas S. Monson is truly the prophet today, the prophet of the whole world. This is who God has put in this position, to lead us and guide us and warn us in these days. When President Monson speaks to us as a church, its the same as coming straight from God. The Lord has said "Whether by mine own voice or by the voice of my servants, it is the same." I know that President Thomas S. Monson is God's prophet to the world today. He is God's mouthpiece. I know he will do all that God would have him do. And I'm excited to see it happen. =)

In the mail...

Wow. I found out tonight that my call has been put in the mail already and is on its way. My dad figures it'll be here around Tuesday. It's just barely starting to hit me. I don't know if I'm ready!!

Gotta calm down. I need to remember that it was God who issued the call (through His servants) and that He'll protect me every step of the way if I do what I'm supposed to. He wouldn't send me on a mission and then abandon me. Or send me to the wrong spot. This will be the absolute best place for me... I've gotta remember that. =) Things are going to work out. They're going to be amazing, actually, if I have faith that they will and do my best to make sure it happens.

Frigid

I was thinking today and yesterday about the cold. It's been really cold here this winter, but I'm used to it because of the time I spent in Rexburg. I've just always had a much easier time with excessive cold than I have with excessive heat. So maybe God will send me somewhere cold, because I have a talent for handling it. Then again, He might send me somewhere really hot so I can learn patience and how not to complain, and how to really rely on Him in order to survive. We'll see. I don't know when my call will come in the mail...but I'll let you know. Could be as early as next week! Anyway...I know wherever the Lord sends me will be the right place for me, with people that I'm meant to teach, and other missionaries that I'm meant to serve with, and a mission president I'm meant to follow. =)

Papers

My papers have been submitted to the church headquarters in Salt Lake! It's getting close...I could know where I'm going as early as next week! Wherever I get called to know, I know it's where I'm supposed to go.

A Tribute to President Hinckley

I wanted to share this one I found because it was directed to anyone and everyone, and it was touching to me.

The Testimony of the Prophet, Gordon B. Hinckley

He passed away yesterday, and we're all going to miss him.
I testify that he was a prophet of God.

Here are links to two more videos
http://www.lds.org/ldsnewsroom/media/mediaplayer.swf?media=http://broadcast.lds.org/newsroom/video/flv/GBH/GBH.flv&type=FLV
http://www.lds.org/ldsnewsroom/media/mediaplayer.swf?media=http://broadcast.lds.org/newsroom/video/flv/GBH/GBH_Bio_Cuts_300K_2.flv&type=FLV

I Know

I'm going to serve a mission, because I know that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is truly Jesus Christ's church restored to the earth, through the Prophet Joseph Smith. And I know that Christ's gospel brings happiness and joy, in this life and in eternity. I know that I will see my brother again. And I know that going on a mission and sharing this with others is what my Heavenly Father wants me to do.

"Someone like me"

A few days ago I ate dinner at an older couple's house. After I had told them I was going to go on a mission, the woman said "You're going to find someone like me. I was ready for the truth even though no one else in my family was. My life has been so blessed because the missionaries found me. I'll always remember the ones who found me and brought me to the gospel and baptized me." She gave me a big hug to thank me. I almost started to cry. It made the whole thing a lot more personal. She is a very blessed woman. And to realize that I can help others to rise above their own current situations and find joy was a really touching realization once I had a face, a real life example, to put to it.

Why I Am Going

The main reason I am going on a mission is that I am grateful for all that I have been blessed with. God has given me so many blessings. Not only do I have all the necessities as well as many luxuries of life, but I have been given the truth. I was born into a family that is part of the church of Christ, restored so that it is the way it was intended to be when Christ started it during His mortal ministry. I have been given the truth about baptism, repentance, revelation, and more. I have been given the truth about the purpose of life, and I know where I came from, and where I'm going. I've been given the truth about modern-day prophets and apostles. I've been given the truth about the eternal nature of families. I have been given the true and untainted doctrine of Christ.

Not everyone has been born with these blessings. So it is my privilege to share the truth with the world (in whatever area I get called to go to).