Ouch

Warning: I'm not completely myself right now...I don't feel so well. So...just know that.

I been thinkin'. I've told myself several times that as a missionary I'm never going to complain. About anything, but especially about the weather. But I'm starting to worry a little bit, because I'm not very practiced at it. I woke up not feeling too great, and it's only gotten worse throughout the day. And instead of being the peaceful, patient, and cheerful-through-adversity missionary that I've planned to be, I was snide to my family, whiny in my thoughts, and just grouchy about everything. And I thought, if I'm grouchy here and now, only 10 days before my mission, what's going to stop me from doing it out there? I guess I just realized, now with my mission so close, that I'm probably not going to miraculously change overnight into the ideal missionary once I enter the MTC. Bummer. Wouldn't that be nice? Anyway, it's sobering to realize I'm probably going to make a lot of mistakes on my mission. But if I am trying my hardest and trusting the Lord, my mistakes will be made up for. And I'm sure going to learn a lot. Everyone has told me I'll learn a lot. But I didn't connect it before that learning often requires mistakes. And I don't like mistakes very much at all. So maybe that's one of the big things I'll learn (and have recently barely started to learn in the last little while): how to learn from mistakes and not let them drag me down to despair. Sounds dramatic, but that's what usually happens. Learning to handle mistakes would and will be a huge blessing to my life.

12 days!

In less than an hour, I will only have 12 days left before my mission. "Wowsers." As a friend of mine would say.
Can I just say that I love mission advice? If you have any please share. Also, if you have any humidity advice...please share that too. I'm a little nervous about that...
In a month I'll be in Florida. I'll get to go on a plane! (Which is exciting; I've never been on a plane before!)
Sorry, nothing profound tonight. I'm going to bed.

Other missionary blog

After I leave, I'm going to have my mom post my weekly emails on a different blog that only invited readers can read. But if you would like to be invited, just let me know! I'll need your email address to do that.
Also, if you don't want to bother with the blog, and you would rather my mom just email the letters straight to you, just let me know and we can do that instead. Thanks!

Hymns

BTW, just quickly wanted to share the third verse of the children's song "Nephi's Courage." We sang it the other day in ward choir, and I realized how applicable it was, and then it was something I needed to work on a little.  I could use a little more courage when I'm discouraged. I need to remember that I've just gotta start working, and the Lord will provide a way when there seemingly isn't one. I can't just sit and wait. Like in Elder Bednar's talk where he mentioned that our actions after we say "amen" are consecrated as a continuation of that prayer. See Elder Bednar's talk on this page.

 

"The Lord gives us commandments, and asks us to obey.

Sometimes I am tempted to choose another way.

When I'm discouraged, and think I should not try,

I will be courageous, and I will reply:

'I will go; I will do the things the Lord commands.

I know the Lord provides a way, He wants me to obey.

I will go; I will do the things the Lord commands.

I know the Lord provides a way.

He wants me to obey.'"

 

One last comment: I love music, and I love God for letting us bring music with us to this world, and also for the way He continues to give us more and more of it. I'm so grateful for inspired music. I'm excited to share our hymns when I teach, like Sister Anderson does.

Led by a prophet

Wow! We truly do have a prophet in this day and age. And he's awesome.  Here's a link to what he said, and what our other leaders shared with us this past weekend. All of them are truly inspired. We are led by God, through His prophet, Thomas S. Monson.

 

You would think that with the amount of time you haven't heard from me, I'd be a lot closer to being prepared for my mission. It...depends how you look at it. I still haven't gone shopping.  But hopefully I've grown in leaps and bounds as a person. I feel like I've been stretched more than I've ever been before. But if there was no stretching, there would be no improvement. And I need improvement. So...no complaining here! (At least, that's the goal.)  =)

 

This Thursday is my last day at work.  After that I'll have 33 days in which to finish preparing. And then...on I'll go! First on to Provo, then Orlando. Strange they both end with "o"s.  Hmm...

"O forgive as thou wouldst be even forgiven now by Me"

I encountered a lot of negativity today from others around me. It wasn't usually directed right at me, thankfully. But it still wasn't a very enjoyable thing.  I noticed that most of the problem in these several situations and people seems to me to be fueled by the same thing: not forgiving. Since I've been studying forgiveness a lot (because there is someone I need to learn how to truly forgive), I not only notice it more in myself, but in others too. Some people don't forgive themselves, which brings self-hate and hate for those around them, as well as a paranoia of being judged by others.  A lot of people have others that they haven't forgiven. Some don't "forgive" God. This lack of forgiveness, lack of love and charity, is poisoning everyone. It's really sad, and frightening, because Jesus taught that we can't be forgiven by the Father if we don't forgive our fellowmen. That's everyone. It's humbling to realize that I'm in this situation. But it also makes me extremely grateful that I am aware of it in myself, that I desire to change it, and that the Savior Jesus Christ has the power and the love to help me overcome this bitterness, and learn to forgive. "I know that in His strength I can do all things" even if that means learning to frankly, honestly, sincerely, lovingly, and steadfastly forgive someone that I haven't been able to forgive on my own.

I hope and pray that other people will realize the importance and the opportunity of forgiveness. I pray that everyone including myself will have enough love and faith in Christ's atonement to forgive whoever it is that we haven't forgiven. It'll be hard (that's for sure) but I hear it's worth it. =) I know it will be.

I'm so grateful to know that the gospel of Jesus Christ truly does bring happiness and saves us from despair on so many levels. It's the path to true joy! I'm so excited to share this with everyone I can while I'm on my mission! And I can bear my witness of it even before I leave for my mission. Which is what I'm doing right now. =) I'm so grateful for Jesus Christ and I know that it is only in and through Him that we can be saved. What a beautiful thing repentance is. How amazing that He suffered and died to give us the opportunity to come unto Him and be perfected in Him. He's so loving, and I'm going to do all I can to be more like Him. =)

So trusting my all to Thy tender care, and knowing Thou lovest me..."

I just want to share the miracle of this morning. I got a sore throat last night and my voice was pretty bad when I woke up. Only problem is that I was supposed to sing in a quartet in Sacrament meeting in the Singles Ward. My voice didn't get much better all morning, but when I got to the church at 12:30 to run through it before church, my voice suddenly came back to almost what it normally sounds like. We were able to share what we had practiced, and I think it touched a lot of people because of the choice of which hymns we sang. It fit seamlessly with the talks. In fact, the speaker before we sang ended her talk by quoting just the 3rd verse of "I'll Go Where You Want Me To Go" which happened to be exactly how we started our medley! What are the chances? My heart started pounding when she was quoting that verse in her talk. It was an answer to prayer for me about something that I'd been worrying about earlier. So I guess I just wanted to share this because it strengthened me, and I know that Heavenly Father loves me, and all of us, and blesses us differently (and usually far better) than we expect. And I'm so grateful I had that taken deeper into my heart today. I know He loves me and He's preparing me, and it makes me so happy when I remember/realize that. It's realizations like these that give *life* to my life. If that makes sense. =)

"There's surely somewhere a lowly place in earth's harvest fields so wide
Where I may labor through life's short day for Jesus the Crucified.
So trusting my all to Thy tender care, and knowing Thou lovest me,
I'll do Thy will with a heart sincere; I'll be what You want me to be."