Ouch

Warning: I'm not completely myself right now...I don't feel so well. So...just know that.

I been thinkin'. I've told myself several times that as a missionary I'm never going to complain. About anything, but especially about the weather. But I'm starting to worry a little bit, because I'm not very practiced at it. I woke up not feeling too great, and it's only gotten worse throughout the day. And instead of being the peaceful, patient, and cheerful-through-adversity missionary that I've planned to be, I was snide to my family, whiny in my thoughts, and just grouchy about everything. And I thought, if I'm grouchy here and now, only 10 days before my mission, what's going to stop me from doing it out there? I guess I just realized, now with my mission so close, that I'm probably not going to miraculously change overnight into the ideal missionary once I enter the MTC. Bummer. Wouldn't that be nice? Anyway, it's sobering to realize I'm probably going to make a lot of mistakes on my mission. But if I am trying my hardest and trusting the Lord, my mistakes will be made up for. And I'm sure going to learn a lot. Everyone has told me I'll learn a lot. But I didn't connect it before that learning often requires mistakes. And I don't like mistakes very much at all. So maybe that's one of the big things I'll learn (and have recently barely started to learn in the last little while): how to learn from mistakes and not let them drag me down to despair. Sounds dramatic, but that's what usually happens. Learning to handle mistakes would and will be a huge blessing to my life.